Interview: Finn Wolfhard on his debut solo album 'Happy Birthday'.

"I'm very curious, and I'm very curious about who I could be, or who I could end up being," contemplates Finn Wolfhard - whom after spending the past decade getting taller on-screen as Mike Wheeler in 'Stranger Things', now finds himself at 22 with a debut solo album, 'Happy Birthday', and navigating his own real-life coming-of-age quest.

That unfathomable mystery: what makes you, you?

Wolfhard lives in Vancouver with his family, but today, I await his arrival at a rustic suburban house in Los Angeles - donut scavengers circling every time I turn my back. Wolfhard, who has had a busy travel schedule of late and only just returned from Japan, had solely one simple request of donuts and water for the day's shoot, so I've brought him a selection from Sidecar (the resounding winner when I quizzed my friends) and am trying my best to protect them, but alas... everyone is trying to steal Finn Wolfhard's donuts.

When Wolfhard arrives, it turns out he is the kind of person who will happily share donuts with anyone - and that is the first fact I can tell you about him.

And for many more facts, Coup De Main met Wolfhard last month to discuss the world of 'Happy Birthday', how to grow up without getting old, and being captain of his own future...

COUP DE MAIN: You just showed off your buzz cut in a new version of a 'Choose The Latter' music video, which is interesting because the song itself is characterised by free will. Did you purposefully decide to cut your hair before press for the final season of 'Stranger Things' kicks off? 
FINN WOLFHARD: I haven't had short hair in years - the last time I shaved my head was when I had lice when I was six.
CDM: How did you get lice? Think we need clarification here... that you do shower?
FINN: I do shower and I'm clean, I just had lice at six because my school had it, and I gave it to my brother. We both had dualling shaved heads. I've had to grow my hair out for 'Stranger Things' and stuff, so I think it was just a way of getting a fresh start and then I didn't realise that it was gonna... I'm not on the internet much anymore, but people are like, "Where's his hair? What happened?!" And I'm like, "You know it grows back, right guys?"
CDM: I've seen a lot of tweets. The people are passionate. 
FINN: People are passionate. But you know what? It's okay because in a few months, they'll be laughing - it'll be the same as it used to be. I think I just needed the change, and it was honestly a coincidence. That 'Choose The Latter' video, the first one, the one of me on Photo Booth, we were gonna do that on a real roller coaster and we just couldn't find the time to do it. I couldn't find the right roller coaster, or the time, so I ended up just doing that instead out of necessity, being like, "Well, I can't go out and film this," so I just did it from my house. And then I was traveling in Japan and my head was shaved, and I found myself at a theme park with a friend and realised, 'Oh, I could still do this right now, I could just do it.' So I just snuck my phone out and put my friend's headphones in, and started it so I could get the lip sync right, but it was super fun! It was very DIY the whole time because they're like, "You're not allowed phones!" And probably for good reason. Probably people lose their phones constantly on there, but it ended up working out.

CDM: I like the juxtaposition of the album title with songs that chronicle your life in a very real way - touching on anxiety and uncertainty. Why did you decide to name your album 'Happy Birthday'? 
FINN: Just the name, for whatever reason, reminded me of something Sparklehorse would call his album - just something really simple and kind of sweet, that's still evocative. Also, I wanted it to kind of touch on when you think of birthdays - sometimes you think of youth and you think of when birthdays were a really exciting thing. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of middle of the road now on birthdays, I don't really care about celebrating. I like seeing friends!
CDM: I think that the older you get, the less exciting it feels - it's just a fun way to bring all your friends together.
FINN: Exactly, as you get older, these birthdays feel less about you. But I wrote that song after my 20th birthday party, or the day after - it wasn't even a party, I just went to a bar with some friends - and the next day I was feeling really depressed, so I wrote that song just because I had to. And I wanted to write a song on an Omnichord, so I did - I just like the sound of it. For me, birthdays are just about celebrating with the people around you, and celebrating with family and friends. As a kid, I went to elementary school and went to a primary school, and when it would be my birthday... when you're that young, whoever shows up to your birthday, that's your self-worth and that's who you think you are. My birthday was always around Christmas, so I never had a birthday party, which sounds so sad, but I would try to, you know, whatever...
CDM: Poor little Finn!
FINN: Poor little Finn by himself. But no, my mom got me a guitar on my fourth birthday and my parents always made it awesome, and it never was a bummer or anything like that. But I feel like there were more stakes at that time because kids would throw crazy birthday parties, and it was just more of a social thing, or social status or validation from other people. I care way less about it now - and just want to be around my friends or family.

CDM: What have been the best and worst birthdays you've ever had? 
FINN: Oh my god, that's such a good question. The best birthday I ever had was that I got to spend my last birthday with all the 'Stranger Things' cast like two days before we wrapped - it was three days before my actual birthday. I told them that was the first time I've ever actually gotten to have a birthday party around my friends, so it was very sweet. All of us hung out and it was just very chill. It was really, really nice. I love that. That's one of the best. I had some pretty fun ones as a kid too, but the worst definitely was when I turned 17 - it was Covid and I couldn't see anyone. I couldn't go outside. And it was a real bummer. That was definitely the worst one, but everything else, I've been pretty lucky to be around good people for it.

CDM: "It’s your birthday stop wasting precious time," you say to yourself in 'Happy Birthday'. Is that a sentiment you still relate to? 
FINN: Yes and no. I'm trying to be better. To me, that lyric just reminds me of me being super hard on myself because I grew up working, and someone who also has parents like this too. My dad's like this, I'm kind of a workaholic, and I always think I should be doing something.
CDM: Pace yourself - do not burn out!
FINN: Exactly. That's the thing. And now I'm trying to not burn out, essentially, but my personality is someone who is trying to do the next thing and, 'Oh, if I'm not staying still...'

CDM: Do you consider yourself a people pleaser?
FINN: Yeah! I'm a big people pleaser. I'm definitely trying to be less of one. I think that there's some nice parts to being a people pleaser - the nice parts about being a people pleaser is being empathetic - but then being a people pleaser itself is just self-defeating. 
CDM: There's committing to something and seeing it through, but then there's also laying emotional boundaries that are healthy.
FINN: Agreed! Yes! Which I'm trying to do way more of.
CDM: I'm proud of you.
FINN: Thank you. Were you like that too, ever? 
CDM: Yes, I feel like that's a huge thing I finally learned how to deal with in my 30s, is that I have big people pleasing tendencies, but I really had to learn how to not feel guilty for prioritising myself in situations where it's necessary. I have a lot of friends who are in different stages of their life, so some of them have had big friend break-ups after growing apart from other people, and I always say to them that you'll always have a shared history and you can treasure that forever, but it's more important to think about the quality of your friendship in the present and if they're hurting or helping you. No one wants to rock the boat, so it's hard to let go.
FINN: I also think male friendship is just something that's interesting too - you don't really talk about those kinds of things in male friendships, where there's so much not being said. It's one of those things where there's always something underneath it, even if your relationship is super healthy and the best, I think there's just a natural tendency to not really say how you're feeling. It's interesting. I've found that I've definitely had to tell people, 'No.' And even best friends in my life, having to be like, 'Hey, I can't be there for you right now.' I've been lucky enough where any friend that I've said that to has respected it - and at the end of the day, really cares about me, and whatever I feel comfortable with doing. Sorry, I'll go back to that lyric and be done with this insane, long answer. I had gotten pretty drunk that night and was just with friends, and woke up the next day thinking that was just stupid and that it was all a waste of time, and that I'm stuck or something, and that I should be doing something important... I feel like my whole childhood, and life, for good reason, I was vehemently against partying or any of that stuff because I saw what it did to young actors and it's not in my personality truly. I'm not a partier, I don't really drink, I don't do drugs or anything.... <sarcastically> Happy Mondays-style, I would probably be if I lived in Manchester in the 90s, but I'm not. I'm pretty straight edge, and so I think I was just feeling like, 'What are you doing?' Sort of in my head about stuff, but now, I'm trying to get away from the self-defeating 'what are you doing?' kind of thing.

CDM: I recently asked Joe Keery if he agreed or disagreed with the theory that people who find fame stay mentally stuck at the age they first entered the public eye, and was curious to know your opinion as someone who has literally grown up on-screen? 
FINN: Definitely. I think so. I mean, I'd be interested to hear what Joe thought.
CDM: He gave a silly answer and then a more serious answer - he thinks he is regressing and has the mental development of a 13-year-old. 
FINN: I also think it's important to be able to have that childlike view of things - I'm only 22, but sometimes it sucks being a young adult. So having what Joe has, which is a really light way of looking at life and stuff, and is very sensitive to things but also isn't taking it too seriously, I think it's a great thing.
CDM: He also said it depends on the people in your life - if the people closest are enabling you. I always feel like you can tell what a child actor's family are like based on how they grow up.
FINN: Totally! My family's been so pivotal in my life, obviously, and then my friends are all just hilarious and always are just making jokes. So to me, that's also such an important thing, just to be able to laugh at things and be able to feel things.

CDM: The author Ralph Ellison wrote in his novel 'Invisible Man' that: "When I discover who I am, I’ll be free." Is that a feeling you relate to or have related to in the past? 
FINN: Definitely. That's what I'm kind of chasing. That's a great quote because that's something that I feel like every day.
CDM: I thought of you specifically after I listened to your album and then read that.
FINN: Oh, that's so nice. That's pretty apt. I feel like that's why I write music, or why I do anything in my life - I'm very curious, and I'm very curious about who I could be, or who I could end up being. Always being myself and being me, but you always are finding yourself through things, and it's become top of my list of the things that I'm the most obsessed with - the coming of age thing. I like what I like and know what I don't like, and what I can handle and what I can't handle - and you don't know that as a teenager going in, that this is the time where you're answering all those questions for yourself, so that's the thing that I'm most passionate about in my everyday life.

CDM: If Finn Wolfhard were a Choose Your Adventure book, what dilemmas would the reader be encountering?
FINN: Oh, that's so good. The first one is that you stumble onto an Uber Eats app, and there are three options - sushi, McDonald's, or nothing at all - and you spend the rest of the night staring up at your ceiling thinking about how next week potentially can go wrong. So, you have to pick one of the three. If you pick McDonald's or sushi, you're in the clear. If you pick not eating, then a dragon comes out, or some kind of fantasy.

CDM: What's your decision-making process like?
FINN: I'll always make a decision. I don't think I'm an avoidant person, but I'm definitely an 'I'll get to it later' kind of person - and in the end, it just has to feel right to me. There's just a kind of feeling that I get. And if it doesn't feel right, that's what 'Choose The Latter' is about. It's literally about decisions. So usually what happens, if I'm lucky enough in my life to get two options for something, I'll just make the decision and ask for forgiveness later for myself - like if I have to do a favour for someone or not. Sometimes there's the people pleasing thing that comes out, where it's like, 'Should I do this favour for this person?' Sometimes I end up not having the bandwidth to do it, and I won't do it, and I'll feel kind of weird about it. Sometimes I'll be okay with being like, 'You know what? I'm just gonna bite the bullet, maybe it won't be as bad as I think it will be.' And that's why usually there's the paralysis of not making a decision, and I feel like it's better to make a decision if it sucks. You learn from that and you don't do it again, rather than just staying inside your room or house and never doing anything - because I could easily be that, and I've been that before, but it's something that I try to get away from.

CDM: In 'Choose The Latter' you say: "Why can’t I afford my dream?" What was running through your mind when you wrote that lyric? 
FINN: In some ways now, in order to break out and be an artist or musician, there's not a lot... and this isn't throwing any shade to any other musicians, but if you think about musicians now that are pretty big, did any of them really come from nothing backgrounds? And by nothing, I just mean less than middle class backgrounds.
CDM: I agree! A study showed that the proportion of working-class actors, musicians and writers has shrunk by half since the 1970s. I think it's tough to be any kind of creative without financial support from your parents at the beginning of your career.
FINN: And that's what that lyric is talking about - it's my own guilt about already being an actor and being able to have this platform to be able to make music and have people hear it. It's a privilege. And there's so many artists that don't have the connections or they don't have money. It costs money to put out music. It used to be the opposite. It used to be that artists were sort of the "starving artist" thing. And that's a different conversation on if you need to be in pain to write good music, which I actually don't think you do, but I do think that lyric was just talking about how frustrating it probably is for people to not be able to do their dream just because they can't afford it.
CDM: It's sad that it feels extremely difficult for any working-class band of my generation, or your generation, to one day become a heritage band like The Beatles.
FINN: It just shows also how crazy the world is right now, where in order to make music that people actually hear, you need to...
CDM: Because of social media now, so much of it is pretty privilege too.
FINN: Yes!
CDM: You'll be more successful, if you look good on TikTok, or can make funny content.
FINN: Whereas people had to bust their ass and try to get it on the radio, or try to get signed.
CDM: Play shows and tour in a van.
FINN: Be lucky enough to be in the room with an A&R person that could sign you to a label, or whatever. Now it's just kind of every man for themselves, and you have to have the money for it, and it's just kind of a bummer. So that kind of was commentary on that. I'm sure people will read it and roll their eyes, but it's definitely something that I think about a lot.

CDM: When you write a song like 'Objection' where you're reflecting on the past, does it feel more like you're singing to a past self? Or still processing your thoughts and feelings in real-time?
FINN: That's an empowerment song sort of. That song is just about me at one point thinking that things were one way, and realising that I was kind of naive to think that I couldn't take charge for myself and my own life, even if it was a social thing
CDM: You are the captain of your own ship!
FINN: It's true. Captain of my own ship. And that's kind of what the song is really about - standing up for yourself and being like, 'Oh, I don't like this,' or 'I don't like getting treated like this.' I'm objecting to shitty behaviour, I guess.

CDM: In Lewis Carroll's 'Alice In Wonderland', Alice says: "It’s no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then." As you figure yourself out more and get to know yourself better, does it feel like your current self is in the middle of a stack of Russian nesting dolls? Or do you perceive your past selves as all different people, like Alice says? 
FINN: I've actually talked about this before in therapy. 
CDM: Surprise, I'm your new therapist!
FINN: Exactly. This is healing. Just the idea that especially because of the way that I grew up and because I played different characters, and had to behave a certain way under a microscope a little bit, there was that version of me, and then there was also this other version. My personality, and many people generally, are very nuanced. And I used to look at myself in a lot more of a black and white way.
CDM: You're also seeing yourself re-interpreted through the lens of other people - in a way that most people don't have to endure.
FINN: Exactly, so it's a lot of sorting through all of that and going, 'Okay, well, what was me there? And what was that other person?' I'm lucky that even though I was a kid and doing a lot of stuff, I did want to do it. I wasn't really ready for it as a kid, but no one's really ready for it - so I agree, I think everyone is constantly changing.
CDM: And it keeps happening. I'm older than you, so I can confirm: life never stops changing you.
FINN: Sometimes I'll hear a song and I'll be in a certain mood or whatever, but sometimes it just comes down to how I'm feeling, and I'll hear something and be like, 'Oh, the song isn't doing anything for me, but this used to mean so much to me, why isn't this bringing me what I want it to bring me?'

CDM: "Loneliness says all the things that you mean," in 'You' is a really evocative lyric. Did you find it difficult to be that vulnerable in your writing? Or was it more cathartic?
FINN: It's funny because it wasn't difficult to write at all. Sometimes you write something and it's vulnerable and you think, 'Oh man, that's maybe too much, or maybe that's too emo...' Usually I'm fine if I'm writing it on my own. For me, the more vulnerable part is releasing it or playing it for someone. So, I guess it is harder, but also I'm not gonna pretend like that's not anything that I think. Not only is it normal, I think, for anyone to feel these kinds of things or emotions, but if I kept writing music that wasn't personal or about stuff that I feel, it would just feel vapid and wouldn't feel real, and also it wouldn't explain who I am as a person either, which is what I like about music - that its intent is to show what someone feels, or means, and sharing something. So yeah, I think it's both. I think it's scary, but it's also not something that hasn't ever been said before, and I think people usually welcome that kind of stuff, like honest emotions, with more open arms.

CDM: Did you write 'Eat' about your own experiences?
FINN: Yeah, I kind of touched on it earlier. Being someone who is anxious, or has anxiety, and a lot of people have anxiety, it's not one of those things where I'm like, 'Poor me! Exclusive to me,' but part of the thing with anxiety is that I just wouldn't eat for a long time. In its own way, I guess it was sort of disordered eating, but it wasn't an eating disorder, it was just convincing yourself that if you eat, then you'll be sick. Now, I'm way better because I factually know that if you eat you feel better, and your nervous energy is better. But there's a while where I just wouldn't eat at 15 or 16, so that's what I wrote that song about basically.
CDM: I imagine it's hard when you also feel like that's the one thing that you have control over fully. 
FINN: Yeah, I think that's also it. 'Oh, this is gonna give me momentary control if I'm not eating, it's not gonna make me sick,' and that feels like control or whatever, but I've definitely grown out of it.

CDM: When we last spoke to you back in 2017, we asked you: "In an ideal world with unlimited resources available to you, what would your relationship with fans be like?" You said: "If I had more time I would obviously meet a lot more people, but I think I would still be guarded." Do you feel differently or still the same now?
FINN: I still feel the same. I maybe wouldn't be guarded, but I think that that's kind of the healthy way. I'm like, 'Huh, that 2017 Finn might be on to something.' I still agree, honestly. I think it's good to meet people, and I think it's great to know that people are affected by the work that I do, but you shouldn't go overboard in sharing your personality, or sharing too much emotion - because it's parasocial, you don't really know that person.

CDM: As someone who is famous but not a popstar, I was curious to know your thoughts on the normalisation of "stans" treating their favourite musicians as therapists - and how the parasocial nature of social media encourages fans to trauma dump on celebrities.
FINN: It happens a lot in music, and a lot of my friends who are musicians have fans that will come up to them after shows, and talk to them about their struggles. It's one of those weird things where there's not really a way to fix it because when it comes to that kind of stuff, people generally are kind of lonely when it comes to feeling like they're alone with mental health, and when you find someone or something like a band that you feel connected to, that feels like the only way to get some kind of relief. But in reality, it's your brain playing tricks on you, and you don't know this person. You're affected by their work, and that's great, but it's really tough. I've had people come up to me and say pretty crazy, personal stuff about their life, and it's nice that they feel like I've had a hand in whatever kind of distress they're going through, but when I'm going through stuff, I'll watch or listen to something that I really like, but I definitely don't put all my eggs in one basket when it comes to that person because I know that they're a separate thing and they're not thinking about that. Truth is: they're not thinking about me like they're thinking about themselves. Hopefully their story resonates with other people, but when the audience hears the music: that's the musician's job. I also think with social media too, it is really hard because you're just constantly seeing whatever you want all the time. And if there's a stan or fan, their whole life is online - their whole life is being a fan and basically being a fan account. It's really nice, but I hope that they're also taking stock in their own living and being present in their own life as well.

CDM: Back in 2017, you also mentioned that your dad is an indigenous rights researcher - and this was around the time that you were fundraising for elementary schools in indigenous communities with a charity t-shirt. You told us: "There are indigenous communities in almost every country on earth, and most people don’t know that, so if I can help make people aware of these communities that are ignored or discriminated against, then maybe together we can all learn from each other and recognise that there are lots of different ways of living and we should respect that and support them." Is this a cause that you still feel passionate about supporting?
FINN: Definitely. My dad was traveling this year up north, and I was thinking about going with him because it's also so beautiful too. And all these reservations are unbelievably underfunded by the Canadian government. I'm still sort of up on it, just through my dad, but I'd still love to help in any way that I can.
CDM: When I was preparing for this interview it felt very crazy to me that you imparted that wisdom almost a decade ago, and now we are living through several different ongoing wars in different parts of the world.
FINN: I still think the same thing. I still think it's insane. I still think that the fact that my dad's job even has to exist is insane, but I'm glad that he's helping in some way.

CDM: I'm intrigued by your grandfather having been a geologist. Are there any other careers outside of acting and music you would have liked to explore?
FINN: Yeah, definitely. My Dad's an archivist and a writer, and archival work is really interesting. I love history. I love going through old books and libraries, and seeing all the old fonts, and seeing where humanity was at that time, and old letters. My dad is an Aboriginal land claims contractor, so he goes through thousands of documents that were written by old native bands in Canada, and journal entries, and sees where these people were at this time for them. It's really interesting to pour through that stuff. And psychology too. I love psychology. I love the brain. I think it's really interesting to talk about mental health because it's so widely under researched still, like no one really knows why we are the way that we are, and why we have these different traits, so I think that's really interesting as well.

CDM: What is your greatest personal accomplishment not to do with your career?
FINN: Probably being able to kind of carve away for myself... like feeling a little more comfortable around people, socially. I still get social anxiety, but I feel a little more confident in myself.
CDM: Baby steps. You've got this.
FINN: Yeah, that's honestly the thing that I'm most proud of: I feel proud of myself that I'm not just jumping into the deep end of things anymore. That's how I used to deal with stuff, where if it scared me, I would just jump in right at the deep end. And I think that's good. Sometimes you need a little of that chaos, but it's okay to tease stuff out and think about it a little more, to make decisions.
CDM: That all comes with getting to know yourself better.
FINN: Exactly. To me, that's what I love - like I feel accomplished, or I feel like I'm constantly accomplishing that kind of thing.

CDM: Lastly, what in life gives you purpose?
FINN: I don't know. It's a feeling that I get, it's nothing specific, but if I'm writing a song, or if I'm with my family or with friends, sometimes I'll just get this feeling of belonging, or like I'm supposed to be there. And whenever I get that, I try to live in that as much as I can, until that feeling kind of goes away, and then something else replaces it, like worry or whatever. And to me, the thing that gives me purpose is just trying to find those moments of euphoria, where I'm just like, 'Oh, I really feel like this is the place I should be right now.' And that's why I like doing a lot of different stuff because I'm also testing different things, like, 'Oh, is this the thing? No.' And then I realised that it's not things, it's myself. So, just the purpose of trying to find that inner happiness.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Portrait photos by: Daniel Prakopcyk
All other Instax photos by: Shahlin Graves
Design by: Lola Jacob
Styling by: Lindsey Hartman
Grooming by: Blondie for Exclusive Artists using Peter Thomas Roth
Props styling by: Sadie Moon

Finn Wolfhard's debut solo album 'Happy Birthday' is out now.

Watch the 'Objection!' music video below...